the old couple next door were already cursing at each other before i left for work. i don't know what about. i don't know if there was a reason. all i heard was "You think I FUCKING CARE?!" followed by angry, jumbled, muffled talking.

i don't know these people, but their frequent fighting seems counter-productive to whatever issue they're fighting over. but even more, their fighting seems counter-intuitive.

i don't understand why they stay together. through the walls, they hate each other.

before the Wolf and i got married, i kept coming in contact with people who would give me their condolences over my coming nuptials.

"i'm getting married!"
"Oh, I'm sorry. That sucks."

first, i thought: what assholes. then, i thought it was me; i'm the queen of self-blame; perhaps my dewy-eyed optimism was offensive to their cynical view of the world. i can buy that. before the wedding it was us us us and then slowly me me me as the time drew nearer. but i think now, and began to see then, that it's a deeper problem and a darker force at work: these people think that the noise coming through the walls filled with hate is what a relationship really is; they think that you're supposed to secretly or overtly hate your significant other. more and more, i'm met with people who think that fighting with the same person everyday is all there is to look forward to in a serious relationship.

it is this falacy of "love" that perpetuates the enormous success of books like He's Just Not That Into You and the like. knowledge that i thought was forehead-slappingly obvious is, apparently, not something that everyone realizes. i thumbed through that book and was groaning before i reached page three. DUH, i thought. if someone shows no interest in you, you find someone who does. if you are not being treated, every day, every hour, like you feel you should be treated, why in the HELL are you still sitting around waiting for this person to change? they're not going to change and you should know that without dolling out $14.95 for a candy-colored volume, preaching the obvious like it's inspired.

Posted by JP @ 01/31/2005 01:43 PM EST

I don't want to go on babbling about how you are right, but you ARE completely.
Lots of people I know feel the same about marriage: as if there was a curse that makes you hate your partner as soon as you say "I do". Very strange. That a relationship comes to a whole new level or even stays the same after marrying seems to be something people do not expect...
And by the way: I am always thankful to learn speech figures like "forehead-slappingly obvious" that I only know from German... :-)

Posted by franziska @ 01/19/2005 03:31 AM EST