the days are short, the nights are long, i have been waking up disoriented in the middle of the night. i start from a sound sleep and the room seems funny and off-kilter. i reach for him but he isn't there. i remember, and i pass out again. last night i dreamed i was running through a house trying to find The Wolf and he always seemed to be one room over, calling me. and why do i always dream about bathrooms? what does it mean? last night i dreamed i was in a bathroom one minute and everything was in place. i went back through it a little later (still searching) and the toilet was missing.

i dream of houses a lot, where rooms are shifting or something is just a little off. like being in a mirror image of my parents' house, or wandering through a house full of little girls in pinafores, crawling around with them through creaky secret passageways and up staircases and through attics. when i dream of houses i wake up with this feeling of unrest, like i don't know where anything is in my own house since i've been somewhere else all night in Dreamland.