the one thing, nay, the essence, of high school for me, the thing that never fails to take me back, are the transistions on a mixtape. one specifically, Nine Inch Nails March of the Pigs leading into Enigma's Age of Lonliness. even more specifically, the sound of the end of March of the Pigs ending and switching into the beginning of Age of Lonliness. if i had to choose to live my life in moments, 15 to 17 would live in the space between those two songs.

that was back when being so acutely sure of my own importance in the world felt wonderful. that was back when i could sit around for hours, waxing poetic about one-sided love affairs with my friends and somehow still feel full. that was back when a mixtape could define me and it could live forever in the tapedeck of my car.

i remember those transitions on the mixtapes more than i remember the whole tracklist or what i was trying to say. and so much time was spent on those individual aching transitions and, if you got it right, you could remember exactly the feeling you wanted to convey.

sometimes i miss my tapedeck. i miss the mixtapes i made for people, trying to tell them something. i miss the six or seven people crammed into the car with me listening to these tapes even though i rarely miss my old, busted blue Ford Escort wagon.

and i don't miss the ennui, either, but i miss the tangibility of our music and i wonder if all youth is like that with all the quantity over quality in today's average selections.

the essence of high school for me: the frantic and melodramatic anger and sexuality of March of the Pigs leading into The Age of Lonliness' pseudo-erotic, imagined emptiness. that's it right there.

Posted by Yo Mama @ 10/23/2004 11:01 PM EST