i think the registration for onatuesday expires today. i can't remember. maybe i should check on that...?

i'm powerful hungry. why is it that these days i only crave fennel with mascarpone cheese?

there's a lot to do, lately, and lately i find myself choosing to fight all the battles instead of having the presence of mind to just say "no" to the fight. i take things so personally and i go on the offensive as often as i possibly can lately...even to the people who probably aren't out to get me.

it's a knee-jerk reaction, however. i feel so subjugated into what other people (read: my family) want...especially on the issue of religion and beliefs. and, you know, i say that i'm willing to allow them to have their faith and respect it if they can respect mine. but everytime i'm met with their innocent baaing with questions, questions of why i don't just believe what they believe, why i don't just drink the kool-aid, i'm infuriated. i want them to think think think.

there is a place for spirit where there is love. i absolutely acknowledge that. i'm working on finding a common ground and a place to start so that this can progress smoothly. i feel like i'm the one making trouble, but the claws come out: i'm scarred and resistant and fearful.

yesterday, a friend of mine told me that FEAR stood for "False Expectations Appearing Real." i need to put the preconceived notions away and think calm, centered, happy thoughts.

i'm not on trial here. there are no pitchforks.